I just realized something...my blog seems to be pretty "heavy". Very little fluff...sorry! But since I seem to be writing to myself, I guess I don't need to apologize!! Ha!
Anyhoo.....I don't know if I'm alone in this, but letting go seems to be TOUGH! Tough like trying to chew through leather! It would be so much easier if I was one of those people who "don't care" but that's just not me. I care. Deeply. The part I struggle with is the part that I'm often afraid to speak my opinion. Afraid of what people will think of me, afraid of rejection, afraid I may be wrong! Maybe I will offend someone....or make them mad. See....I've realized I avoid conflict! I'm one of those. I don't like it, I'm not good at it. I don't like when people are upset with me either. Kind of a catch 22, right? Yes....it sure is!!
So what do you do with that? I don't know! I'm _ _ years old and still haven't figured that out! HA!
What I have learned over the years....I GET the opportunity to forgive. I've had lots of practice (as have people with me!) as most people do. It's been hard. Do you have a hard time with that sometimes? Sometimes I just want to wallow in my anger and frustration and carry it around with me. Want to focus on it, talk about it, surround myself with it.....and so on. You get the picture! Then I realize...I am the only one that' suffering over this. Well, maybe my family, but it's my burden and it's hurting me. Not only hurting me, but it's holding me back from everything including God's blessings. HOLD ON....stop that!!! WHY ON EARTH would I want to keep myself from receiving the blessings that God is wanting to give? That is just crazy!
So then the journey of learning to forgive, I mean REALLY forgive began....and continues. It is my job to forgive and trust that God will take care of the other end. HE will be the one dealing with the situation. FREEDOM!!!!! When I relinquish all that....junk....He is always faithful to give in return PEACE and JOY and that FREEDOM!! I do not have to carry all that toxic yuck around with me. I don't have to be so worried about that other person or situation. Guess what?? Those are called IDOLS and they aren't good and they keep me from having my eyes focused on God! I don't want anything coming between us! So....I choose forgiveness. Every Day!
Yes, it's a daily choice. DAILY! But I'll tell you what....it is a choice I will gladly make. Over and over and over! God is SO good!
This was what I was discussing with my step son last night. Love those late night talks and being able to speak into his life. At 17, there are fewer opportunities to speak into their lives yet they are so valuable. And, who doesn't need to work on forgiving...I'm sure we all do. But I'm so thankful to get the opportunity to tell him how much he is loved and cared about. To tell him that he is as important to us as anyone else, that we want the best for him.
I am a blessed mommy! Thankful for every single day I get with these kids. :)
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