Tis the season...for change

It's a new season in life. I've been in this "season" for a while, but I suppose I'm just now realizing it. I don't know about you, but I really REALLY don't like change. I like routine. I like consistency. I like to know what's ahead.

Well, throw that all out the window.

It's an election year. Yuck. Doesn't it seem like there just aren't good candidates anymore? Everyone is bought by someone (or many someone's!) or supports all sorts of horrible things. There is NOBODY that I can say..."THAT is my candidate". None. Not one (in my opinion) will be good for our country, it's people, foreign relations, etc. I'm stumped. But I'm not here to write about the presidential election...it's just on my mind.

It's a year of major change for us. Sadly, not much of it I'm looking forward to. And  honestly, I'm not a negative person. I try to keep positive and see things in the best light. And I'm struggling. Right now all I see are the backside of the tears in my eyes almost constantly.

Mind you, nothing is broken. Nobody is sick. It's nothing like that.

It's a heart condition. A spiritual/emotional one....not physical. You see, as a mom, I'm discovering that there is NO bounds to how much I love and adore my children. It seems that as they grow older that love just keeps growing. A love that is proud of who they are growing up to be, a love that LONGS to begin that "friend" relationship and allow less of the "parent". It's a love that is deep concern for them but at the same time, great excitement! As I write that, I sit here thinking that I'm all mixed up! It's both good and bad at the same time. Yes, that's my biggest problem right now! There are so many good things coming but I'm pulled away from that excitement by the sad part of things too.

What's got me all confused? Well, short version is this: the world is a mess, parents moving away, us moving again, oldest son leaving for the Navy and a lot of processing of these changes needs to happen. For the first time in my life, I will have no extended family close to us. I can't even fathom this. All my life my family has been near. Until a few years ago...even my brothers lived close. In a matter of 2 months or so, my mom & dad will move away. This is a big deal for me. Well, I know I'm not the only one struggling with this, but I'm the one writing this....so you're gonna get my perspective :)

So this changes a lot of things. We've had a wonderful opportunity over the last year to have my parents living right next door to us. It's been such a blessing to spend this time with them. New relationships have begun and others have blossomed. It's been a very precious time for us all. The thought of that ending is very sad. But, it'll be cherished time and memories. It will be just a short 7 hour drive to their new place. We will just have to be more proactive in setting dates to go visit.

I mentioned that our oldest son is heading off to the Navy. He is, and he's excited about that. I couldn't be happier for him. He will learn and grow so much. His 8 weeks at boot camp will change and mark him forever. I'm excited to see how he grows and matures in the Navy and proud of him for giving up these years to serve our country. Proud of this kid. We will miss him so much! I'll miss our late night conversations and him feeling like he can ask me anything. It's only been 4 years that he's been in my life but he has wormed his way deep into my heart. I'm also excited to hear about all his adventures he will get to go on and the things he will see. He has such a gentle heart (like his dad!) and a servant spirit. He will do well and go far!

So, with all this said...it's a season of transition. I have been asking God to show me something in His word that I can hold onto and keep close to my heart through this time. I found it interesting where he steered me this morning to something I memorized as a child. Psalm 23. I had to read it a few times to see if there was a part that I could really grasp and hold close. Here is the Psalm:

The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

After reading this a few times, the part that kept rolling through my mind was "Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." Why is that? Here is my initial answer (as this was only a few hours ago and I'm still pondering this!), a shepherd carries a staff in order to protect his sheep. If his sheep is in danger, the shepherd does the fighting for the sheep. The sheep is able to feel confident in the shepherd's skills and can rest in that peace, knowing it is safe. So, put that on what I'm going through...that means God is fighting my battles for me and I am able to know that He will be victorious and I will be safe....as will my kids and parents. So that staff is a symbol of comfort. Ok God....got it. I will rest in your comfort and safety.

I don't know about you...but this parent thing is HARD work. I often wrestle with the realities that I will soon have a few boys out there in the world and I've given everything I possibly could as their mom and will just pray it was enough. God is good....ALL the time.

Have a blessed afternoon & remember why we celebrate Easter. This is my favorite holiday. So thankful for my Savior, his sacrifice & the resurrection! God bless...

Our own version of National Lampoons Vacation???

Yea, that's what we are making. This has been a trip full of highs and lows...but we are still enjoying!

Before I get to the lows, lets look at the highs!! We have seen some AMAZING country!! I never would have guessed that Utah had so much to offer. It was so beautiful, I wish we could have stayed many more days there!

This first picture is Bridal Veil Falls. This is outside Salt Lake City...so amazing, double waterfalls and you can climb up to the bottom of the lower falls. Worth stopping at!

From there, we ventured the rest of the way down through Utah to Zion National Park. Please, if you EVER drive to the Grand Canyon, go to Zion!! We literally drove through and stopped at two different places and went for a hike. There are trails all over, but you will find some challenging and some not. They didn't have good maps so we just went for it! Let's just say that I was VERY challenged and Zion almost broke me, but I made it and everyone else did too!

Here is a photo from our first hike in Zion....to get to this waterfall, we literally had to climb over and around boulders, over the stream, along slick and steep rocks...it was crazy, but SOOO worth it!! It was a hard one! But the waterfall was beautiful. It was even sprinkling on us a bit which was super nice!

On our second hike, we just pulled to the side of the road and went for a look. We saw a river bed and just followed it along, for probably about a mile. It went from open to very narrow. Quite an adventure. Here is one pic...

Yesterday we left Utah and headed in to Arizona. Totally different landscape...and more green. We got quite a bit of rain yesterday. Our first stop in Arizona was the east end of the Grand Canyon. This was my must see. I have always wanted to see the Horseshoe Bend. I've seen the pictures and wanted to take one for myself!! Here is what I got with my phone (since it takes panoramic shots!)

Our rental RV is all the lows. I can see why people buy their own...seriously! The rental company called this rig the Pinata. We can completely see why. It seems to be falling apart more and more. Lets just say I've been praying A LOT!!! I would covet your prayers also! Day before yesterday we were driving down the road and all of a sudden the largest pull out started to PULL OUT while we were on the road. We literally had to rig up something to keep it in. The biggest problem....we couldn't get the generator started so we could pull it back in! But we made it to our destination just fine. Turns out, someone (who will remain nameless) pulled it out just a bit at one of our stops to get shoes out and forgot to put it back in....Our table in here is now being propped up because it won't stay up on its own, we keep shorting out circuits...for no reason also. On top of all that, we are headed into some seriously hot weather (108 degrees) in Vegas and we won't have AC in the main compartment because of the generator not starting. YUCK!! So we will be rotating who's in the cab!

No matter what, we are having a good time and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. Time for me to go as we are headed out to the south rim of the Grand Canyon today. Hopefully I'll have decent internet so I can do another update!

I'm BACK!!

So, it's been a LONG time..I apologize! But really, not sure who's reading this, if anyone. It's been an incredibly busy 8 months!!

We packed our house and moved at the end of March. Another move...you would think we would be used to this by now, but it's never easy. So much to do. I neglected my blog because something had to give. :) We got the move taken care of with no major issues, thankfully! It was hard on us as a family tho. My husband works an average of 55-60 hours per week and in the times he was home we had to be working on the packing. Thankfully we had ample time so it wasn't overly stressful. We have, in turn, realized that my husband does actually stress a little over moving. But rather than outwardly stressing, he keeps it internal and he ends up with gout attacks. So painful and it's so hard to see him in so much pain! He did eventually get over the attack after we got moved and mostly settled....thankfully! The kids have all LOVED being in the house. More space, larger bedrooms and it's just a good place to be. We are very fortunate to have my parents living on the property for a while...can I just tell you what a blessing that has been? I have seen them getting to know our kids more and more and our kids have loved having them around. Yes, it's been helpful, but the relationship building is what I'm loving most! What a blessing for myself and our family! Such precious time!

So, you may be wondering what has changed that has allowed me time to FINALLY write another post? Well, truth is, we are on vacation. Finally taking a break from the norm and doing something totally different. We are currently in Salt Lake City (for the night) and headed further south through Utah tomorrow. Final destination....the Grand Canyon! So much fun! We rented an RV and have been driving like crazy, but trying to see some sights along the way. I kind of think of this as a "once in a lifetime" kind of trip. We are missing having my stepson with us, but we will pick him up along the way back home.

So, so far, we have been in Twin Falls, ID. Just outside the town there, there is a beautiful canyon that the snake river has created over time. A miniature version of the Grand Canyon, per say. Super fun and neat to see. I will post pics later this week. We also visited Shoshone Falls. Also outside Twin Falls. This has been dubbed the Niagara Falls of the West. SO pretty!!! Thankfully it was such a nice day we got some great pictures. There was even a rainbow in the mist at the bottom of the falls. Well worth the visit.

Today as we got into Salt Lake City, we visited a little area called Ensign Peak. This peak is at the North end of SLC and you can literally see the entire city & beyond. It was beautiful. The husband and kids hiked to the top...I haven't been feeling too good today so I chose a lower vantage point, but still saw the view.

I'll confess something though. It's not all been perfect! Who's vacation is??? We rented an RV...it's been well used and abused. We blow fuses constantly, it rattles so much you'd swear parts are falling off as you're cruising (at 60!!) down the highway. We had no lights in the back bedroom until tonight when we had time to figure it out. The AC has had it's own learning curve. There is so much broken in this RV it is comical. The rental company actually calls this one the "Pinata"....go figure! We are just praying it gets us through this trip and back home! We left a bunch of our food at home, Chick-Fil-A was closed today (Sunday, duh!) and we were excited to eat there. And, last but not least....I'm not the greatest co-pilot! Yep, we drove an extra 30 minutes today in the wrong direction....oops! Thankfully my husband is so gracious!!!

All in all...this has been a fun vacation so far! We are looking forward to more fun and adventures! I will try to update every day or so. Not sure how often I'll have wifi though! Please pray for our safety, our Pinata to get us home and for us all to stay healthy and have a great time!

Thank you!

Resolutions or Not?

Are you a person who makes (and breaks) New Year Resolutions? Or, are you, like lots of people, one that thinks they are silly and a waste of time?

I think either is fine. I have years where I make resolutions and other years where I don't. I don't always see the need for them. I'm never one to bash others on what they do or don't do on New Year. I think they are fun.

THIS year....is a year of resolutions. It was time :)  I think many people would understand my reasoning. As a wife, mom, employee, etc. I put myself last on the list. I always have. I'm no martyr, it's just how God made me. My family gets the best of me (and that's what I believe is right). So, I decided a few months ago that I still need to make sure I am taking care of myself. I didn't wait until January to begin, I started a while ago. And, so far, it's been kind of nice :)

Now, I need to be honest....I am not one that washes my face nightly like I should. I also have been HORRIBLE about taking vitamins like I know I need. These things have just not been a priority.

Now that you know that, I have good news! Nightly, my face is clean and each day I have taken my vitamins (well, most days!) and boy can I feel a difference!! In both! My face is clearer and I feel so much better from the vitamins! I may never go back to being super lazy with myself. Lol! This has been really nice.

So, simple resolutions made and I plan on keeping them. After all....my kids need their mom to be healthy and available to them. Baby steps....

On another note.

I find it impossible to believe it's 2015. Didn't 2014 just start? Where did the year go?

Looking ahead to this year...at first I was thinking there wasn't much that was going to be happening. I was SO very wrong! After a couple minutes, I realized that we will be MOVING in a few months. This is exciting yet at the same time a bit overwhelming! Also, we have begun the preparations for planning a big vacation for August. Mind you.....we haven't been able to take any big vacations with the kids, but have really wanted to. So, this year is the year! YAY!!! We are planning on a road trip from Washington to the Grand Canyon. Yes, in August....HOT! But that's the time my husband gets off work, so that's when we go! Anyone have any advice??? We have rented an RV which will make the driving SO much more enjoyable for everyone but we aren't sure what the the MUST SEEs on the way or way back. I would love some advice. There are 6 of us so it's not a super small RV, but not the HUGE ones.... :)
After the trip we will be getting ready for school. In September, we will have 3 high school boys. I about start crying every time I think of this. I don't know how we will manage...but we will make it! Ha! So far, high school has been so fun...so much adventure and so much learning! It's been fun to watch the boys getting older and growing up into such amazing young men.

I will probably need to come back and read this in about 10 months when we are in the throws of next school year!

Anyway...now I'm rambling...so I will say good night! It's back to work tomorrow after 10 days off.

Have a great Monday tomorrow!

Positivity as a Blessing on the Family

I had a revelation the other day. Maybe it's just me getting this a bit late, but I thought it might be worth talking about. I mean, come on, life is B.U.S.Y. for everyone, right? Right? I find too many days where I've forgotten something important, forgot where I needed to be, failed at something major and made someone mad. The list goes on and on. Work all day and take care of the kids in the evening. Add in 3 teenage boys who love their sports....It's my messy life and I LOVE it and wouldn't trade it for anything. But.....something is missing.

Did you catch what that something is?

I'll tell you...it's my husband! That person that I love and who gently loves me back. That person I desire to spend time with yet that time is hard to find. That person I want to grow old with and get to know more and more as time goes on. YET...he seems to get the last of my attention in the house. Whatever attention he may get is often in the form of me asking him to do something or pick someone up. Not the calm and loving way I dreamed life would be like! Where did that "dream" go? Well...the back burner for most of the time. Thankfully he is ok with this and he goes with the flow very easily.

But I find myself feeling very convicted. He deserves SO much more. Yes, we do get some weekends alone, but they are often still filled with kids sporting events and running here and there. Both being introverts, we are much happier with a slow and mellow schedule. So, what can I do to provide that more often? How can I cater to his need for time together (and MY need for it also!).

First off, I have to make it a priority. Period! He more than deserves to have me go the extra mile. I need to be thinking of him MORE during the day. PRAYING for him! Keeping in touch with him during the day (as often as I can!). I need to make sure to greet him right when I get home or when he gets home. I need to make sure the little things are done for him. I need to not just TELL him he's a priority but also show him.

Second, I need to pray him up. Constantly. Praying for his protection and favor in his job. I need to be praying for God's blessings to rain down on him all day. I need to be his prayer warrior. I'll be honest, this is harder for me. You read the first part of this, right? Life is so busy, I have a hard time thinking and planning 30 minutes in advance. But, this man IS a priority. I need to find more time to pray for him.

Lastly, I need to watch my tongue. I think as women, we all struggle with loose lips. As my mom told us as kids "loose lips sink ships". Not something I want to see happen, ever. I need to keep my talk positive. Keep my focus on the positive. What would all the husbands out there think if all the wives started speaking kindness and positivity instead of tearing their man down, their life down, their kids down. It would be a very different world for a lot of marriages. I want to build him up. I want to build our home up. I want to build our kids up! All 4, lovely and wonderful children! I want to be a light in their world, not something they avoid. So....back to the praying!

I challenge you, if anyone is reading this, to turn your focus to everything that is positive in your life. Pray over your family. Each person. Pray over your marriage. And keep praying. Our world is full of voices, I want God to be the loudest. I want a positive home environment to be another loud voice. I want to raise kids who go out into the world who are positive & loving & caring.

So, that's what's been on my mind. Just the messy stuff of life. Just being real here.

Is anyone reading? Please leave me a comment so I know I'm not talking to myself! Lol! I do that WAAAAY too often!

Have a blessed week and if I'm not back before Thanksgiving...have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Choices...

Well, first I need to apologize. Probably only to myself...but I haven't written in such a long time. Not that I've forgotten, it's just that we've been so busy.

In July, my husband and I FINALLY got to go on our honeymoon! Yes, finally! Ok, it's not been that long...but a year and a half later, we snuck away and spent a WONDERFUL week in the hot sun and enjoying each others company. We went to Cabo. I have never been out of the country so this was a new experience for me. I'm already a nervous traveler (because I don't have much practice at it!) but going out of the country and away from our children....I was VERY nervous. All went fine. We survived, they survived and we had a WONDERFUL time!!! I came home so refreshed and relaxed. I think we both did! Ok, I'll admit, today I would like to be back there. Although they just had a major storm go through so I'm not sure NOW is the best time to be there! So that was a big part of summer.

We also took all the kids up to visit my family in Idaho. We had a great long weekend there. Hung with the kids, played outside, rode 4-wheelers, took lots of pictures (my favorite!), explored, and also visited Silverwood Amusement Park. Yes, it was FUN!! So fun I almost lost my lunch on one of the rides. Literally. To the kids amusement...mom couldn't go on anymore rides for a while :)

There was other stuff, but those were the highlights. It was a fun summer but went by too fast.

I titled this "Choices" because I wanted to share something about being a blended family (that's really what this is supposed to be, right??). This is a tough one to share because it really shows how competitive I am and how much I want control. Now I know full well that I am NOT the one in control. I daily give that up to God. Well, more like moment after moment I have to give it up. BUT....here is a little glimpse into blended family life. My kids have choices. I don't like it. I struggle with it often. They have their daily choices of course, the same as every kid out there. But they have even more. They have a choice, at a certain age, as to where they want to live. As a mom, that is a horrifying thought. For so many reasons, but just imagine for a minute.... I have worked for 15 years to provide a home that is safe, loving, caring and some place I can teach the kids to grow up into healthy and GOOD adults. I hadn't given this "choice" much thought until my ex moved 5 blocks from us. Until then, he had lived far enough away that the choice wasn't really an option for the kids if they wanted to stay in the same schools. So, ex moves into the area. I won't lie. That was a tough one. I had my safe little area where I knew I wouldn't bump into him at the store, post office, restaurants etc and now all that is now "un-safe". It's taken a while to get use to, but it's been ok. Now, in my competitive heart, I feel like I have compete to keep my kids here. He is "disneyland dad" and I'm the one who has rules and expectations for the kids (because I want them to grow up RESPONSIBLE!). So my house isn't always the most attractive. I also pay for EVERYTHING. So, I can't afford to keep up with the going here and doing this. I dislike this. Then I have to remember....I am a very different person than my ex is. I'm very ok with this. We work hard to provide them everything they need and want. So, where is the fine line? When do I throw my hands up and scream and kick because I CAN'T keep up? I don't.  Remember that moment by moment I talked about....this is a HUGE part of that. I can't keep control of everything. THIS issue gets prayed about a lot. A LOT!! I pray that my kids are happy, healthy, well cared for and that they feel loved. They not only have their parents that love them immensely, but they have 2 step parents that love them also. They may not live the perfect life, but they do have it pretty good.

So, if you think about it, please pray for us. This is a daily battle in my heart. I don't want it to be, but it is. Pray for our children. Pray for protection of their hearts, lives and emotions. I can't imagine that life is easy for them (as 3 of the kids are teenagers!!) but I still want it to be GOOD! I love that they are happy going to church and always want to go to youth group. The church change a year ago has been a HUGE blessing to all the kids. God is good. All the time. All the time, HE is good.

That's my update for now. Over the last few months I've had many post worthy thoughts, but this one was fresh so that's what you get :) I need to get back to the kids. I pray you have a very blessed weekend. Whoever is out there reading this.....

When to let go...

I just realized something...my blog seems to be pretty "heavy". Very little fluff...sorry! But since I seem to be writing to myself, I guess I don't need to apologize!! Ha!

Anyhoo.....I don't know if I'm alone in this, but letting go seems to be TOUGH! Tough like trying to chew through leather! It would be so much easier if I was one of those people who "don't care" but that's just not me. I care. Deeply. The part I struggle with is the part that I'm often afraid to speak my opinion. Afraid of what people will think of me, afraid of rejection, afraid I may be wrong! Maybe I will offend someone....or make them mad. See....I've realized I avoid conflict! I'm one of those. I don't like it, I'm not good at it. I don't like when people are upset with me either. Kind of a catch 22, right? Yes....it sure is!!

So what do you do with that? I don't know! I'm _ _ years old and still haven't figured that out! HA!

What I have learned over the years....I GET the opportunity to forgive. I've had lots of practice (as have people with me!) as most people do. It's been hard. Do you have a hard time with that sometimes? Sometimes I just want to wallow in my anger and frustration and carry it around with me. Want to focus on it, talk about it, surround myself with it.....and so on. You get the picture! Then I realize...I am the only one that' suffering over this. Well, maybe my family, but it's my burden and it's hurting me. Not only hurting me, but it's holding me back from everything including God's blessings. HOLD ON....stop that!!! WHY ON EARTH would I want to keep myself from receiving the blessings that God is wanting to give? That is just crazy!

So then the journey of learning to forgive, I mean REALLY forgive began....and continues. It is my job to forgive and trust that God will take care of the other end. HE will be the one dealing with the situation. FREEDOM!!!!! When I relinquish all that....junk....He is always faithful to give in return PEACE and JOY and that FREEDOM!! I do not have to carry all that toxic yuck around with me. I don't have to be so worried about that other person or situation. Guess what?? Those are called IDOLS and they aren't good and they keep me from having my eyes focused on God! I don't want anything coming between us! So....I choose forgiveness. Every Day!

Yes, it's a daily choice. DAILY! But I'll tell you what....it is a choice I will gladly make. Over and over and over! God is SO good!

This was what I was discussing with my step son last night. Love those late night talks and being able to speak into his life. At 17, there are fewer opportunities to speak into their lives yet they are so valuable. And, who doesn't need to work on forgiving...I'm sure we all do. But I'm so thankful to get the opportunity to tell him how much he is loved and cared about. To tell him that he is as important to us as anyone else, that we want the best for him.

I am a blessed mommy! Thankful for every single day I get with these kids. :)