It's a new season in life. I've been in this "season" for a while, but I suppose I'm just now realizing it. I don't know about you, but I really REALLY don't like change. I like routine. I like consistency. I like to know what's ahead.
Well, throw that all out the window.
It's an election year. Yuck. Doesn't it seem like there just aren't good candidates anymore? Everyone is bought by someone (or many someone's!) or supports all sorts of horrible things. There is NOBODY that I can say..."THAT is my candidate". None. Not one (in my opinion) will be good for our country, it's people, foreign relations, etc. I'm stumped. But I'm not here to write about the presidential election...it's just on my mind.
It's a year of major change for us. Sadly, not much of it I'm looking forward to. And honestly, I'm not a negative person. I try to keep positive and see things in the best light. And I'm struggling. Right now all I see are the backside of the tears in my eyes almost constantly.
Mind you, nothing is broken. Nobody is sick. It's nothing like that.
It's a heart condition. A spiritual/emotional one....not physical. You see, as a mom, I'm discovering that there is NO bounds to how much I love and adore my children. It seems that as they grow older that love just keeps growing. A love that is proud of who they are growing up to be, a love that LONGS to begin that "friend" relationship and allow less of the "parent". It's a love that is deep concern for them but at the same time, great excitement! As I write that, I sit here thinking that I'm all mixed up! It's both good and bad at the same time. Yes, that's my biggest problem right now! There are so many good things coming but I'm pulled away from that excitement by the sad part of things too.
What's got me all confused? Well, short version is this: the world is a mess, parents moving away, us moving again, oldest son leaving for the Navy and a lot of processing of these changes needs to happen. For the first time in my life, I will have no extended family close to us. I can't even fathom this. All my life my family has been near. Until a few years ago...even my brothers lived close. In a matter of 2 months or so, my mom & dad will move away. This is a big deal for me. Well, I know I'm not the only one struggling with this, but I'm the one writing this....so you're gonna get my perspective :)
So this changes a lot of things. We've had a wonderful opportunity over the last year to have my parents living right next door to us. It's been such a blessing to spend this time with them. New relationships have begun and others have blossomed. It's been a very precious time for us all. The thought of that ending is very sad. But, it'll be cherished time and memories. It will be just a short 7 hour drive to their new place. We will just have to be more proactive in setting dates to go visit.
I mentioned that our oldest son is heading off to the Navy. He is, and he's excited about that. I couldn't be happier for him. He will learn and grow so much. His 8 weeks at boot camp will change and mark him forever. I'm excited to see how he grows and matures in the Navy and proud of him for giving up these years to serve our country. Proud of this kid. We will miss him so much! I'll miss our late night conversations and him feeling like he can ask me anything. It's only been 4 years that he's been in my life but he has wormed his way deep into my heart. I'm also excited to hear about all his adventures he will get to go on and the things he will see. He has such a gentle heart (like his dad!) and a servant spirit. He will do well and go far!
So, with all this said...it's a season of transition. I have been asking God to show me something in His word that I can hold onto and keep close to my heart through this time. I found it interesting where he steered me this morning to something I memorized as a child. Psalm 23. I had to read it a few times to see if there was a part that I could really grasp and hold close. Here is the Psalm:
The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.
After reading this a few times, the part that kept rolling through my mind was "Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." Why is that? Here is my initial answer (as this was only a few hours ago and I'm still pondering this!), a shepherd carries a staff in order to protect his sheep. If his sheep is in danger, the shepherd does the fighting for the sheep. The sheep is able to feel confident in the shepherd's skills and can rest in that peace, knowing it is safe. So, put that on what I'm going through...that means God is fighting my battles for me and I am able to know that He will be victorious and I will be safe....as will my kids and parents. So that staff is a symbol of comfort. Ok God....got it. I will rest in your comfort and safety.
I don't know about you...but this parent thing is HARD work. I often wrestle with the realities that I will soon have a few boys out there in the world and I've given everything I possibly could as their mom and will just pray it was enough. God is good....ALL the time.
Have a blessed afternoon & remember why we celebrate Easter. This is my favorite holiday. So thankful for my Savior, his sacrifice & the resurrection! God bless...
